Genderqueer.

As a small child I didn't know there was a difference between girls and boys. One day when I was playing with my best friend he showed me how to pee outside. Of course I had to try. Something was off though, my penis didn't want to pee the same way that his did. I was confused.
A church leader told me a silly story about him being a little girl, falling into a hole, turning inside out and he was a boy ever since.
This stuck with me, I adopted it. I never felt a girl as a child so I said I used to be a boy. At this age I didn't know about things such as sex change or gender identity.
I was against all things girly. I even didn't like the color pink until I stepped back and thought when I was about nine "Do I not like that color because I don't like it? Or because it's been taught to me that it's "girly"?" Of course it was the latter.
I only shopped in the boys department. I didn't want to be a boy, I think I just didn't realize there were more ways than just one to be a girl.
Yay for learning there are more options!
-rin.

Personal Post.

I usually don't post many personal things on here, but this is something that is very important to me. I don't know why I've been afraid to talk about myself on my blog but I think today I will start. 

Growing up I had posters of only girls all over my walls. My mom thought about asking me to take them
down but figured it was no big deal.
I had some homoerotic experiences with friends but never talked about them again and figured it was just us being silly because I didn't like them.
I would stand in my room and wonder "Am I gay?" Then I would remember I had a crush on someone who was a boy and then shook it off. Of course I wasn't gay if I had a crush on a boy...
I wish I had known there were other options.
I thought that girls were just overall more attractive than boys. I thought everyone felt this way. I was never aroused by a mans body. I was attracted to some of them though. Nothing made sense.

In high school a rumor about my sexuality started, that I was bisexual because I had kissed a girl. I am a little ashamed by how I reacted to this. I was very defensive and denied it. Maybe things would have been different if I had embraced that rumor. But alas I did not.
I never identified with the word bisexual. When I was young I had a skewed perception of what that word meant.
Now I know it means being attracted to people of the same gender and of different genders. So that sounds about right. Labels aren't important if you are still figuring it all out, don't worry too much. Have crushes on whoever you have crushes on and don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you. Sexuality is fluid so don't worry if it doesn't always stay the same.
I wanted to post this because it's important to me. I feel like coming out to certain people I wasn't taken seriously and if I can type it all out, I won't get flustered and retreat.
I'm queer.
Plain and simple.
Although none of us are simple. It feels good to finally accept myself for who I am.
I'm lucky to have such accepting people in my life that have stayed by my side.
-rin.