Photo An Hour: May 7, 2015

 6am Woke up with B while he got ready for work.

 7am Made some noodles.

 

8am Drank tea and watched a movie.

 9am Cleaned the bedroom

 10am Unpacked boxes.

 11am Made lists.

 12pm Took a nap then watched iZombie.

 5pm B came home.

6pm Found some mountain dew to drink.

 7pm Broke out a yummy candle

 8pm Drinking water watching Ru paul's drag race. 

 We played with Ghastly and stayed up late watching shows. Not a bad day. 

What do your days look like?

-rin.

Photo An Hour: April 6, 2015

 9:30am Waking up.

 2pm Exercised a little.

 4pm I think I cleaned.

5pm Drinking my water.

6pm My boy got home from work.

7pm Tidied up.

8pm Did our nails. 

 9pm Candy.

10pm Watched movies.

I hadn't done a photo an hour in so long I wanted to get back into it. Since I did this a while ago I can't really remember what I did that day. I think I forgot a few hours in between too. This was while I still living with my parents so there wasn't a whole lot to photograph but I love doing these. They reflect a slice of how life was at that time. 

-rin.

Queer.

Society and my upbringing made me believe there was something wrong with me. I think that is why it was so difficult for me to come out and really accept myself for who I am. I wasn't able to come out until I was 21 and my heart goes out to anyone else who must remain in the closet to protect themselves or those who have been brave enough to come out. 

I love that I'm hella gay. I've embraced my queerness. It's a big part of who I am and not something you can choose to overlook just cause you don't like it. 

Please don't assume I'm straight if I am dating a man, that erases my identity and who I am. Not to mention it's incorrect because I'm non-binary so really any relationship I have is a queer one. 

If you really want to love and accept me you won't ignore this fact about me just because it isn't convenient for you. This is who I am. 

I made a coming out post a few years back you can read here. 

My non-binary post is here.

-rin.

Kigu.

 For my birthday I got an offbrand kigurumi that I've been wanting for a few years, 

so I decided to celebrate that by doing a little photoshoot.

Sweet nightmares.
-rin.

Depression.

I thought I would share my experience with depression in my life.
I got depression when I was 12.
I got pretty suicidal at age 12-13. I'm not even sure why. Maybe I couldn't see any good beyond what I was seeing then.
I started using creativity as my outlet because it wasn't very severe this helped.
At 14 I was in the habit of self harm.
At 15 someone came into my life that opened my eyes up to punk rock. Punk rock saved me.
It pulled me out of that dark time. I figured out more about myself. I was reckless I was happy.
I got my first boyfriend at 16. We had so much fun together.
After that it would come in waves but nothing too serious.
I didn't really struggle with depression again until I was 20.
At 20 my second boyfriend went off into the navy. When he was gone I was so depressed I developed an eating disorder.
I just didn't have the motivation to eat. I got as much done as I could then moved out to be with him.
We didn't have much money for food so I kept losing weight. It wasn't healthy at all.
I was trying my best to see the light while living between those four walls, alone the majority of the time.
I stopped seeing any hope or light at the end of the tunnel.
I became very depressed and suicidal. I would get sores on my hips from laying in one spot all day.
After a suicide attempt, I finally pulled myself out of the pit that didn't seem like it would end.
I moved back home and my then husband moved out with me a couple weeks after.
That following summer depression returned. I would push myself to work but didn't see how everyone else did it so easily.
It was so hard to get out of bed.
My relationship was having troubles at this time too.
Things started improving. I was doing really good the end of this year which was 2011.
On Valentines 2012 I got so discouraged I knew I needed to move out soon. And we did!
This year was overall pretty great.
During the summer I did go through just a few weeks to a month of depression but I climbed out quick.
2013 we moved into a beautiful apartment that I loved we made it into a home.
Just like clockwork the summer brought depression. It only lasted about a month or two.
The entirety of 2014 I was in deep depression. You can read why here.
Again this post might not help anyone but sometimes sharing our stories makes us stronger.
I am here sharing this bit of myself to let you know it's okay.
You won't always feel this way.
Sure it might keep coming back but the good times are worth seeing what comes out the other side.
I have no quick fix because I'm still struggling.
I will tell you the thing that helps the most is gratitude.
If you are in severe depression this probably won't help but slowly things will start to make you feel again.
This comic sums up depression better than I ever could. It's so relatable for anyone that's struggled with this.
Go read it here and part two here.
If you are interested in my anxiety post it's here.
Something that has helped me lots when I fall in the pit are John Halcyon Styn's videos, thinking about creating my reality and life design, taking responsibility for the way my life is, taking steps to get closer to your goals and Jessica Mullen's worksheets.

Don't give up. We are all in this together. I love you.

Photoshoot.

The end of January I did a little shoot. 

It wasn't a very good experience but it was an experience non the less.

I thought I would share a few photos from that day with you guys.

-rin.

Non-binary.

I've known I was genderqueer, well all my life, but only like 3 years ago learned that term.
Growing up I would get a bad feeling when anyone would call me a girl or lady.
I never felt quite woman or man.
And that's okay!
I'm genderqueer/non-binary and I'm so proud of that.
It always makes me happy to become closer to who I know I am.
Recently I've publicly come out with changing my pronouns to they/them/their.
If you would support me in this it would mean the world to me.
You don't need to understand, all you have to do is support someone you love in being themselves.
This goes for everyone who has a trans or non binary individual in their lives.
They are such brave people I can't even believe it.
Keep being yourself!
Even when it looks like the whole world is against you and doesn't understand you there are people rooting for you.
Keep strong, I love you!

-rin.