2012.

It's that time of year again. I always have a recap post. You can find old ones here,  here and here.
How did the year go?
I think I improved and grew a lot in the emotional and mental area. I did lots of self work. My relationship improved lots. Accepted myself more.
What went wrong?
I didn't get out there. I was basically a hermit.
How did I spend money?
Mainly rent, we didn't get lots of selfish things.
How did my work improve or stagnate?
I actually started working on some goals I've always wanted to do so that's good.
2012 in 3 words:
Relaxed, Stepping stone, glitter. (oops that was four)

Genderqueer.

As a small child I didn't know there was a difference between girls and boys. One day when I was playing with my best friend he showed me how to pee outside. Of course I had to try. Something was off though, my penis didn't want to pee the same way that his did. I was confused.
A church leader told me a silly story about him being a little girl, falling into a hole, turning inside out and he was a boy ever since.
This stuck with me, I adopted it. I never felt a girl as a child so I said I used to be a boy. At this age I didn't know about things such as sex change or gender identity.
I was against all things girly. I even didn't like the color pink until I stepped back and thought when I was about nine "Do I not like that color because I don't like it? Or because it's been taught to me that it's "girly"?" Of course it was the latter.
I only shopped in the boys department. I didn't want to be a boy, I think I just didn't realize there were more ways than just one to be a girl.
Yay for learning there are more options!
-rin.

Why do you care about others life choices?

I can understand why you wouldn't want something a part of your life but I don't understand when people start to project their choices on everyone else.
If someone close to me chose to be a sex worker I would want to make sure they knew the potential consequences and dangers that go along with that but if they felt good about it why in the world would I want to stop them?
If my friends pray to God every night and that makes them feel good. Why would I hold them back from that?
I guess I just want the people close to me to be happy and do what they feel good about and I don't think that effects me in anyway. So it's hard for me to understand why the people around me want to control others life's because that's what they think is right. Just because I feel good about something does not mean anyone else will.
I just want you to let people make their own life choices and stop acting like it has anything to do with you.
-rin.

Usagi-November outfit.

 After watching an episode of Sailor Moon I came up with this outfit.

 Also freshly dyed hair.

 Details:
Pink shirt: forever21
Undershirt: Charlotte russe
Cardigan: forever21
Skirt: Charlotterusse
Tights: Target

-rin

Your words have consequences.

People think they can say whatever they want, it's just words who cares right?
Lots of people care. And it's affected so many of our lives. Words hurt.
Have you ever told a child what they are like? "Oh she's just shy."
That child wasn't shy but now you changed their entire life by one sentence.
Watch what you say.
It can really effect children but they aren't the only ones that can suffer from words.
Can you imagine feeling your whole existence being belittled by a simple phrase someone around you says?
If you can't you probably are doing that to people on a daily basis without knowing.
You aren't a bad person just because you have said some problematic things in the past,
because most of us have one time or another.
It's something that has to be learned.
How could I know that a simple word may make someone feel awful? It was just one word right? Wrong.
It's not just one word, it's internalized feelings and ideas that we are projecting even if we have no idea.
We need to learn what words are appropriate to use.
I am still learning this everyday.
The constant language around me is often problematic and sometimes very hard to unlearn.
Please don't make an entire gender identity summed up as weak. Please don't make anyone that isn't white feel like all they are seen as is a stereotype. Please don't make rape sound funny. Don't make people feel like second class citizens.
Another thing we have to remember is that if a phrase or word really bothers us. It's important to make this known.
I have lots of trouble with this. It's difficult to stand up for things especially when you are in a completely vulnerable place. I've been there many times. Sometimes I wonder if I don't say anything am I no better than the ones saying awful things? Maybe it's not my job. I don't expect by writing this I will have made any kind of difference, but I do hope I made someone think. Think before you speak and know that words have consequences. Research correct terms to use. Your words hurt. Please think about that.

LGBT.

 Please read all of this. It's something that is very important to me.

Being part of the LGBT community it means a lot that my friends/family read this.

Thank you.

(source)

Gender Shoot.

 I've been working on finishing this project for a while and I'm excited to share!

It's a study on gender and love. Enjoy!

-rin.

Mission Statement.

While reading this blog post I decided to re-write my mission statement. I do it every year but have never shared it online.



So after writing lots I made an affirmation-like paragraph that I will share with you.

I am an artist that is happy and satisfied with my life.
I will paint. I will do everything I desire because life is too short not to do everything I want.
I want to be look how I want and passionately go after my dreams.
I have a decorated home and studio/office. I have all the supplies and money I need. I go out and have fun. I work hard and am a talented artist. I am in a lovely relationship and my encounters are easy. My many ideas are often appreciated. I love my home and am relaxed. I am learning. I am healthy. I am a modified goddess princess unicorn magical girl. I am excited. I have a plan. I can do anything.
I will love and take care of myself. I give no fucks. I stand up for myself. I love me. I am brave, fearless and confident. I have my shit together.
I will have a plan. I will choose what to be/do. I will overcome anxiety and depression. I will do what scares me. I will create and let things fall into my lap. I will breathe.

Sex.

I felt like I should write about sex. A sensitive topic for many. I was raised in a very conservative place and sex wasn't very openly talked about. I think it's very important to be able to be open about it. Make your intentions known. You can't just expect someone to know what makes you uncomfortable unless you tell them. If you aren't hearing an enthusiastic yes about a certain sexual activity assume it's a no.
Do not be embarrassed to discuss this with sexual partners or potential ones. If you have someone in your life that you are comfortable asking sexual questions do not be afraid. Sometimes it's good to just have a discussion. It can make growing up less scary. If anyone reading this would like someone safe to talk to I will always try to help.

xoxo & safe sex.
-rin.