Saturday, April 11, 2015


I thought I would share my experience with depression in my life.
I got depression when I was 12.
I got pretty suicidal at age 12-13. I'm not even sure why. Maybe I couldn't see any good beyond what I was seeing then.
I started using creativity as my outlet because it wasn't very severe this helped.
At 14 I was in the habit of self harm.
At 15 someone came into my life that opened my eyes up to punk rock. Punk rock saved me.
It pulled me out of that dark time. I figured out more about myself. I was reckless I was happy.
I got my first boyfriend at 16. We had so much fun together.
After that it would come in waves but nothing too serious.
I didn't really struggle with depression again until I was 20.
At 20 my second boyfriend went off into the navy. When he was gone I was so depressed I developed an eating disorder.
I just didn't have the motivation to eat. I got as much done as I could then moved out to be with him.
We didn't have much money for food so I kept losing weight. It wasn't healthy at all.
I was trying my best to see the light while living between those four walls, alone the majority of the time.
I stopped seeing any hope or light at the end of the tunnel.
I became very depressed and suicidal. I would get sores on my hips from laying in one spot all day.
After a suicide attempt, I finally pulled myself out of the pit that didn't seem like it would end.
I moved back home and my then husband moved out with me a couple weeks after.
That following summer depression returned. I would push myself to work but didn't see how everyone else did it so easily.
It was so hard to get out of bed.
My relationship was having troubles at this time too.
Things started improving. I was doing really good the end of this year which was 2011.
On Valentines 2012 I got so discouraged I knew I needed to move out soon. And we did!
This year was overall pretty great.
During the summer I did go through just a few weeks to a month of depression but I climbed out quick.
2013 we moved into a beautiful apartment that I loved we made it into a home.
Just like clockwork the summer brought depression. It only lasted about a month or two.
The entirety of 2014 I was in deep depression. You can read why here.
Again this post might not help anyone but sometimes sharing our stories makes us stronger.
I am here sharing this bit of myself to let you know it's okay.
You won't always feel this way.
Sure it might keep coming back but the good times are worth seeing what comes out the other side.
I have no quick fix because I'm still struggling.
I will tell you the thing that helps the most is gratitude.
If you are in severe depression this probably won't help but slowly things will start to make you feel again.
This comic sums up depression better than I ever could. It's so relatable for anyone that's struggled with this.
Go read it here and part two here.
If you are interested in my anxiety post it's here.
Something that has helped me lots when I fall in the pit are John Halcyon Styn's videos, thinking about creating my reality and life design, taking responsibility for the way my life is, taking steps to get closer to your goals and Jessica Mullen's worksheets.

Don't give up. We are all in this together. I love you.

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