Tuesday, December 11, 2012


It's that time of year again. I always have a recap post. You can find old ones here,  here and here.
How did the year go?
I think I improved and grew a lot in the emotional and mental area. I did lots of self work. My relationship improved lots. Accepted myself more.
What went wrong?
I didn't get out there. I was basically a hermit.
How did I spend money?
Mainly rent, we didn't get lots of selfish things.
How did my work improve or stagnate?
I actually started working on some goals I've always wanted to do so that's good.
2012 in 3 words:
Relaxed, Stepping stone, glitter. (oops that was four)


As a small child I didn't know there was a difference between girls and boys. One day when I was playing with my best friend he showed me how to pee outside. Of course I had to try. Something was off though, my penis didn't want to pee the same way that his did. I was confused.
A church leader told me a silly story about him being a little girl, falling into a hole, turning inside out and he was a boy ever since.
This stuck with me, I adopted it. I never felt a girl as a child so I said I used to be a boy. At this age I didn't know about things such as sex change or gender identity.
I was against all things girly. I even didn't like the color pink until I stepped back and thought when I was about nine "Do I not like that color because I don't like it? Or because it's been taught to me that it's "girly"?" Of course it was the latter.
I only shopped in the boys department. I didn't want to be a boy, I think I just didn't realize there were more ways than just one to be a girl.
Yay for learning there are more options!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Why do you care about others life choices?

I can understand why you wouldn't want something a part of your life but I don't understand when people start to project their choices on everyone else.
If someone close to me chose to be a sex worker I would want to make sure they knew the potential consequences and dangers that go along with that but if they felt good about it why in the world would I want to stop them?
If my friends pray to God every night and that makes them feel good. Why would I hold them back from that?
I guess I just want the people close to me to be happy and do what they feel good about and I don't think that effects me in anyway. So it's hard for me to understand why the people around me want to control others life's because that's what they think is right. Just because I feel good about something does not mean anyone else will.
I just want you to let people make their own life choices and stop acting like it has anything to do with you.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Usagi-November outfit.

 After watching an episode of Sailor Moon I came up with this outfit.

 Also freshly dyed hair.

Pink shirt: forever21
Undershirt: Charlotte russe
Cardigan: forever21
Skirt: Charlotterusse
Tights: Target


Saturday, December 8, 2012

Your words have consequences.

People think they can say whatever they want, it's just words who cares right?
Lots of people care. And it's affected so many of our lives. Words hurt.
Have you ever told a child what they are like? "Oh she's just shy."
That child wasn't shy but now you changed their entire life by one sentence.
Watch what you say.
It can really effect children but they aren't the only ones that can suffer from words.
Can you imagine feeling your whole existence being belittled by a simple phrase someone around you says?
If you can't you probably are doing that to people on a daily basis without knowing.
You aren't a bad person just because you have said some problematic things in the past,
because most of us have one time or another.
It's something that has to be learned.
How could I know that a simple word may make someone feel awful? It was just one word right? Wrong.
It's not just one word, it's internalized feelings and ideas that we are projecting even if we have no idea.
We need to learn what words are appropriate to use.
I am still learning this everyday.
The constant language around me is often problematic and sometimes very hard to unlearn.
Please don't make an entire gender identity summed up as weak. Please don't make anyone that isn't white feel like all they are seen as is a stereotype. Please don't make rape sound funny. Don't make people feel like second class citizens.
Another thing we have to remember is that if a phrase or word really bothers us. It's important to make this known.
I have lots of trouble with this. It's difficult to stand up for things especially when you are in a completely vulnerable place. I've been there many times. Sometimes I wonder if I don't say anything am I no better than the ones saying awful things? Maybe it's not my job. I don't expect by writing this I will have made any kind of difference, but I do hope I made someone think. Think before you speak and know that words have consequences. Research correct terms to use. Your words hurt. Please think about that.

Friday, December 7, 2012


 Please read all of this. It's something that is very important to me.
Being part of the LGBT community it means a lot that my friends/family read this.
Thank you.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Gender Shoot.

 I've been working on finishing this project for a while and I'm excited to share!
It's a study on gender and love. Enjoy!


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Mission Statement.

While reading this blog post I decided to re-write my mission statement. I do it every year but have never shared it online.

So after writing lots I made an affirmation-like paragraph that I will share with you.

I am an artist that is happy and satisfied with my life.
I will paint. I will do everything I desire because life is too short not to do everything I want.
I want to be look how I want and passionately go after my dreams.
I have a decorated home and studio/office. I have all the supplies and money I need. I go out and have fun. I work hard and am a talented artist. I am in a lovely relationship and my encounters are easy. My many ideas are often appreciated. I love my home and am relaxed. I am learning. I am healthy. I am a modified goddess princess unicorn magical girl. I am excited. I have a plan. I can do anything.
I will love and take care of myself. I give no fucks. I stand up for myself. I love me. I am brave, fearless and confident. I have my shit together.
I will have a plan. I will choose what to be/do. I will overcome anxiety and depression. I will do what scares me. I will create and let things fall into my lap. I will breathe.

Saturday, December 1, 2012


I felt like I should write about sex. A sensitive topic for many. I was raised in a very conservative place and sex wasn't very openly talked about. I think it's very important to be able to be open about it. Make your intentions known. You can't just expect someone to know what makes you uncomfortable unless you tell them. If you aren't hearing an enthusiastic yes about a certain sexual activity assume it's a no.
Do not be embarrassed to discuss this with sexual partners or potential ones. If you have someone in your life that you are comfortable asking sexual questions do not be afraid. Sometimes it's good to just have a discussion. It can make growing up less scary. If anyone reading this would like someone safe to talk to I will always try to help.

xoxo & safe sex.

Monday, November 26, 2012


 Photoshoot preview!

Thursday, November 22, 2012


 For the first time I made Japanese curry!
So good!
I also made a yummy casserole this month.
I don't do much cooking so I'm pretty proud of myself.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


 Fire is pretty magical.
 & nice to look at.
 And they are even better...
 with someone to talk to around them.

Monday, November 19, 2012


 Pink eyeliner.
I had to wear a had this day because my halloween hair spray stained my hair. Eeep.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Personal Post.

I usually don't post many personal things on here, but this is something that is very important to me. I don't know why I've been afraid to talk about myself on my blog but I think today I will start. 

Growing up I had posters of only girls all over my walls. My mom thought about asking me to take them
down but figured it was no big deal.
I had some homoerotic experiences with friends but never talked about them again and figured it was just us being silly because I didn't like them.
I would stand in my room and wonder "Am I gay?" Then I would remember I had a crush on someone who was a boy and then shook it off. Of course I wasn't gay if I had a crush on a boy...
I wish I had known there were other options.
I thought that girls were just overall more attractive than boys. I thought everyone felt this way. I was never aroused by a mans body. I was attracted to some of them though. Nothing made sense.

In high school a rumor about my sexuality started, that I was bisexual because I had kissed a girl. I am a little ashamed by how I reacted to this. I was very defensive and denied it. Maybe things would have been different if I had embraced that rumor. But alas I did not.
I never identified with the word bisexual. When I was young I had a skewed perception of what that word meant.
Now I know it means being attracted to people of the same gender and of different genders. So that sounds about right. Labels aren't important if you are still figuring it all out, don't worry too much. Have crushes on whoever you have crushes on and don't worry, there is nothing wrong with you. Sexuality is fluid so don't worry if it doesn't always stay the same.
I wanted to post this because it's important to me. I feel like coming out to certain people I wasn't taken seriously and if I can type it all out, I won't get flustered and retreat.
I'm queer.
Plain and simple.
Although none of us are simple. It feels good to finally accept myself for who I am.
I'm lucky to have such accepting people in my life that have stayed by my side.

Friday, November 16, 2012


Everything went better than expected. 
I had a good day, even though I was dreading it.
 I was able to try vegan corndogs yum! (thanks dad) 
Then we had a played games with friends. 
I went on a stroll through the leaves and E & I decided to stay up all night.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


 A friend of mine brought me some cute gifts from Canada. :)
 I had a frame that fit this perfectly!
 Moved my desk and made my stuffed animals a bed.
I always feel like catwoman in these leggings.
It snowed for the first time.

This has been a post.

Monday, November 12, 2012


 I made a cute garland a day too late.
 Candy time!
 New spiderweb tights.
 Halloween brings out the cutest treats.

Happy late haunting!